The classic wedding speech order: the father of the bride speaks first, then the groom or the couple, then the best man and maid of honor, and at the end comes the open round for all guests. The first speech falls between the starter and the main course. Here is the complete run sheet with timings, the time budget per speaker, and the variants that have taken hold at modern weddings.
The order of speakers at a glance
| Position | Who speaks | When | How long |
|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | Father of the bride or parents | after the starter | 3 to 5 minutes |
| 2 | Groom or the couple | before the main course | 5 minutes |
| 3 | Best man and maid of honor | between main course and dessert | 5 to 7 minutes |
| 4 | Open round: family and friends | at dessert | 2 to 3 minutes each |
Many wedding planners recommend keeping this order because it has a dramaturgy: the parents open, the couple responds, the best man delivers the high point, the guests round off the evening. Most receptions end up with three to five wedding speeches this way. Father of the bride, then groom, then best man is also the traditional order at British and American weddings, so if you follow it, nobody will be surprised. A law it is not; what counts is a plan everyone involved knows in advance.
Who speaks first at a wedding?
Traditionally, the father of the bride. The rule that he opens dates from the days when the bride’s parents paid for the wedding and, as hosts, gave the welcome speech. The father of the bride welcomes the wedding party, says a few words about his daughter’s wedding, and passes the word on. Today most couples pay for the day themselves; the father of the bride’s opening has outlived the change of wallet.
Just as good: the couple opens themselves, with a two-minute welcome before the starter in which bride and groom thank the guests for coming and announce the shape of the evening. That takes the pressure off the first parental speech and sets the couple’s tone from the start.
Not every wedding follows the book, and it does not have to. Especially where the ceremony itself is freely designed, couples handle the order loosely. Nothing here is binding; much of it is simply customary.
A question that often comes up alongside: who speaks their vows first? In a church wedding, traditionally the groom; at a civil ceremony, the officiant sets the order; at an open-format ceremony, you decide yourselves. For writing your own vows, there is the guide to wedding vows.
The four speeches in detail
1. The father of the bride’s speech
The father of the bride’s speech opens the official part: a welcome on behalf of both families, thanks for coming, one anecdote from the bride’s childhood, touching is fine, embarrassing is not. The close is wishes for the future and the invitation to raise glasses. If the father of the bride is unavailable or hates speaking, the mother of the bride is the natural alternative; both parents together or the groom’s parents can open too. Structure and examples are in the guide to the father of the bride speech.
2. The groom’s or the couple’s speech
After the parents, the groom speaks, as a reply to the opening: thanks to both sets of parents, words to the guests, some of whom have traveled far, and at the core the sentences to his wife. More and more often the couple speaks together and splits the speech in two. How to write a wedding speech that sounds like the two of you is covered in the big guide to the wedding speech.
3. The best man’s and maid of honor’s speeches
At most receptions, the high point of the mood: a funny anecdote, a look at the couple’s story, a toast. If both the best man and the maid of honor speak, the two appearances belong at different points of the evening, never back to back. Templates and structure: best man speech for him, maid of honor speech for her. If both would rather keep it brief, the pair can raise a single toast instead of giving a full speech.
4. The open round
At dessert, the microphone opens for everyone: siblings, close friends, any guest with a few words to say. Some couples deliberately give grandparents this round as their slot. Here a short speech of 60 to 90 seconds is enough, more of a wedding toast than a full address. To keep the round from sprawling, the emcee announces it with an end time: “Until the cake cutting at 9 p.m., the mic is yours.”
The structure: what goes into every speech
No matter the position, the structure of a wedding speech stays the same: an opening that establishes your connection to the couple, a middle with one concrete story, a close with a wish and a toast. Hang the through-line on a single story and the speech holds together; string three anecdotes in a row and you lose the wedding party after the first. A successful wedding speech tells one scene properly rather than five at a sprint. Details with examples for each speech type are in the guides linked above.
The right moment: reception drinks, dinner, between courses
At the drinks reception right after the ceremony, the wedding party stands glass in hand and listens with half an ear. At most, a one-minute toast works there. The real wedding speeches belong at dinner, spread between the courses. Four rules have proven themselves:
- Never during the meal. Speeches run between courses, when the cutlery is resting. Tell the kitchen in advance, or the main course lands mid best man speech.
- Never all in a row. Four speeches back to back bore even the most well-disposed crowd. At least 20 minutes between any two speeches.
- Start early. The first speech comes no later than 30 minutes after everyone sits down. Push everything to the end and you speak to tired guests and whining children.
- Done by 10 p.m. After that, the evening belongs to the dance floor; even the best speech loses to the DJ.
Sample run sheet: a reception with four speeches
This is what the schedule looks like with the ceremony at 3 p.m. and dinner at 6:30 p.m.:
- 4:00, drinks reception: a short toast to the newlyweds from one of the wedding party, one minute.
- 7:00, after the starter: father of the bride’s speech, 4 minutes.
- 7:40, before the main course: groom’s or couple’s speech, 5 minutes.
- 8:45, after the main course: best man’s speech, 6 minutes.
- 9:15, at dessert: open round, announced by the emcee and capped at 15 minutes.
- 10:00, cake and dancing: no more speeches from here on.
Add it all up and six to eight people speak for about 30 minutes that evening. Even an exuberant party rarely takes more.
Modern variants of the order
The bride speaks. Old etiquette did not provide for the bride taking the floor. Today, whoever wants to speak speaks: bride or groom, one of them or both together.
Both families speak. For parents’ speeches the rule is: one speech per family, or the opening block gets too long. Whether the groom’s father or the groom’s mother speaks is decided purely by who is more comfortable at a microphone.
The couple speaks last. The groom or the couple takes the closing slot, after everyone else: by then the thanks are complete, and the couple’s speech becomes the bridge into the party.
Two brides, two grooms. For same-sex couples, the old role assignments fall away anyway. What works well: one parent per family opens, then both partners speak in turn, or one speaks for both.
No seated dinner. With a buffet or standing party, two speech blocks replace the spread across courses: one at the start of the party, one before the cake, each capped at 10 minutes.
Coordination: who collects the speeches, who keeps time
Appoint one person to collect all the speeches. Usually the best man, the maid of honor, or a friend with a knack for organizing takes this on; at large receptions, a professional emcee or the DJ. Four weeks out, this person asks around: who is giving a wedding speech at which position, how long, with what technical needs? Family members and friends planning a song, a game, or a slideshow go on the same list. In the end, the only people surprised are the couple.
On the technical side: test the microphone before dinner, keep spare batteries handy, and fix a speaking spot with a clear view of the couple. The DJ gets the list with the order and fades the music out before the next speaker stands up; nothing kills an address like a minute of fumbling at the mixing desk.
As a time budget, this has proven itself: all planned speeches together under 30 minutes, each individual wedding speech at most 5 minutes. That is around 650 words, one page plus a paragraph. Anyone who has never had to give a wedding speech underestimates their own speaking pace; a good speech ends before anyone checks their phone.
That leaves the stage fright. It hits almost everyone who has to give a wedding speech in front of 80 guests, seasoned speakers included. What helps most: a finished script with a through-line and two loud run-throughs; whoever has the first sentence down cold survives the wobbly knees too.
Write your speech with eloqole
Whether you are up as father of the bride, maid of honor, or half of the couple: eloqole asks about the occasion, your role, your stories, and the length you want, and builds a personal speech from it, from the first sentence to the toast. You get tips and ideas for anecdotes, cut to your time slot, and rehearse in the teleprompter until opening and close sit. That way the wedding speeches and toasts of your evening sound like the people giving them.